I hate cancer
Mood:  sad
as my title has stated... I hate cancer... Connor may be relapsing... After all of the three years of treatment he's gone through, he's made it to the last week of chemo and they find out on thursday if they have to go back into full throttle treatment for the little guy...

God, if you can hear me... if you have the patience for me anymore... I have just a few more requests... one of which I'm going to use now... and a few more to save for later...

Please don't let it be so... please just let this be something that goes away and is the result of something other than cancer cells coming back and spreading... God, you probably know that this little boy means more to me than anything else in this world. If I haven't told you that already, then there it is. I love him... like the little brother you never gave me. I know there's some room for me in your heart God and please oh please... give that room to me.

Connor... I LOVE YOU You're my little brother that my mom never had... you're what keeps me going... you're what keeps me inspired to do the things i do... you bring out the best in me. You're what makes me smile, makes me cry, makes me a person. You're the best friend a guy could ever have and I don't want anything to take that away.

Connor Connor Connor
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Nothing
Not sure how i'm feeling because I don't know whether to be really happy because Connor's getting his port out tomorrow and done with treatment! Or to be sad because the Mustons go back home tomorrow..

I went swimming with Rex, Cameron and Connor today and it was so much fun... so much fun. I adore those children as if they were my own... Cameron... the 3 year old Muston is HILARIOUS!!! His little antics and things that he says are just so ridiculously funny i can't help but laugh even though some shouldn't be funny... when Cameron gets in trouble he is quick with "I'm stupid!!" and then sometimes shortly followed by "I'm a freak!!" It just sounds so hilarious and ridiculous coming from a 3 year old (just turned three on May 30th).... Plus... I think I have a little 3-year-old buddy for sure!!! He loves to say my name and ask me questions... tell me what he's doing.. show me his owies and God it makes me feel so good knowing that I don't scare children like I thought I did :-) Today Cameron was out of the pool with his grandma and warming up because he was cold.. and all of a sudden it seems as if he jumped up and ran toward me when he saw i was there... Priceless!!

Connor!!!!!! I HOPE TO GOD he stays the way he is... he is SUCH a great kid... He has his outbursts... but so do all 6-year-olds... I wish he knew how important he was to me... I think he's most definately catching on to how much I love him like a little brother... At the pool today he was my little buddy.... I tried to do a barani (front flip w/ half twist) off the diving board there and the board was stiff and really slippery, so i only like made it half-way around in the flip until i Hit water and he thought it was cool still... Way to make me feel better Connor!! :-) ANyways... Little brothers that I didn't think I had... I think i have now!!!!

toodles

Today
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Best of You -Foo Fighters
Hey All, this is my first entry on my first blog ever... Gotta say, I need somewhere to put my mind.. this is it.

Today was Connor's last treatment day. wow... what an amazing thing. a 6-year old that is kicking Leukemia's ass. I don't think he knows what he's done... to me, to anyone... I can NOT believe it. I think the bracelets I made say it best "Connor = Inspiration" He never gave up... NEVER!! he's alive... smiling... six years old... loves super heroes... he's a super hero... I think everyone anywhere can take a lesson from this little dude and think... NEVER take life for granted... I can't believe Connor can take a hospital visit involving something as crappy as cancer and turn it into fun by transforming himself into batman or buzz lightyear and walking around the hospital as the character... He makes people smile... He makes me smile... he's so important to me... all i can say is WOW...